How to love

So these days, I'm deeply thinking about all of the relationships I had before. A lot of people just don't know my romance. People don't know how bad luck I usually had, neither do I like to talk about it. I never had a long relationship. Never never. And I was seriously offen the third one who broke the others' relationships. Why was it like that? I really don't understand.
There's the thing I've always wanted to tell myself.
You know exactly how annoying you were when you had a boyfriend. You had so many  problems and questions. Was there one day without guessing this or that? Was there one day you lived without your cellphone without the messages or phone calls. I just wonder a lot. How you will handle it in the future?
I'm just waiting for kind of an easy relationship. People say it's better to have no one than have a bad one. That was how the other Taiwanese girls told me. Well... I just don't think he was that bad. Perhaps in some cases, he could really be counted as an A-hole. Was I really in love with him? It's pretty difficult to say it. Normally, I fell in love easily: I mean not with strangers but with the ones we really had 'something' together. Remember how much I cried for the one-month relationship with him? I was so innocent at that time. I thought everything would be like movie or the series, it was anyhow not like that at all.
The other thing to learn in a relationship is to know how to say goodbye. It's always a difficult question. I just never know how to act properly after passing the end of a relationship. Are we still friends? It's always a good question. No one will ever knows how it is or how it will be. I tried to be friendly after we broke up, but did he really care? No. None of my ex-boyfriends cared about me after.
I still think that life is an accident that you'll never know what will happen in the next moment.
Thanks for reading this meaningless post I don't even know how the point is. It's just my complicating mood when thinking of him, him or him.
I don't really know what love is, neither do I think that I've already loved someone or I'm able to love.
Wait and we'll see... how it is.

Europa tour

so I'm typing now my blog with my mood from the very first. Some hours before the Europe tour began officially when the girl was still at home. The girl found depressed. Why? The girl found out actually she was so afraid to go to Europe tour. The host father asked the girl at lunch, are you excited with the Europe tour? She answered, not really. In fact, she's happy but sad. First, she's so afraid of people not likely liking her. Second, the end of the Europe tour meant almost the end of the exchange year. Due to those things, the girl wanted more to stay with her sweet host family. She really thought it would be better so, but the opinion came anyhow too late. On the way to the meeting point Wiesbaden, the girl was still so scared. She got a nice phone call from her mum to say be careful. However, the first day was quiet good even though we got lost on the way to the city after the orientation for us. We finally went there and had cups of beer. We talked to each other. It was a very nice night. I've always realized, when we meet group of new people, at first we feel so weak and so afraid of not being friends with the others. Perhaps we escape and talk to the close friends to say that they're weird who is ...... who is ...... After a while, we get used to it, we become friends with the others. We except them. I seriously don't see the point why we always need to complain and be afraid. On the second day, we got up like at 5:30 in the morning. It was awful. We drove to Trier first to have lunch, passed by Luxembourg and arrived Brussel. Belgium is a nice small city even though Martin was like complaining all the way there, like their cultures, their strange French or things like that. It didn't really matter to me because th;s kind of guy that is always complaining to tell that only his country France is the best the other countries are shit. I wasn't that surprised. We were in Brussel with the whole group having dinner there. I saw Godiva there. It's been my father's favourite chocolate, but I simply think the reason is because it's kind of expensive. I bought a big Easter egg there, but I don't want to talk about it now. I lost it. I was simply pissed when I found I lost them. How sad! However, it was Sunday. Not so many shops were open,only the souvenir shops for tourists. We stay in a hotel like 30 kilometres away from the city. At night, we've got nowhere to go. It was boring, but we were kind of tired. The next day we drove to Paris. It was kind of awful. We've got flat wheels. It took likely 3-4 hours to repair the wheels. We missed the guide in Louvre.
too lazy to write more now... I'll anyhow do it later. I only want to say what I want to say now. It means another new post.