somehow I feel lost and homesick

don't know why. I feel sad, lost and homesick. I'm homesick of Germany. I miss Christmas. And somehow I miss my permission to do things I want. That's what I can do in Germany. I don't need so many permissions to do things. I almost decide everything I do want to do. I'm not afraid of asking to go out. On the contrary, I'm always so scared to ask things now. I want to cry so much right now. Why do I have to go to school tomorrow? I feel confused of a lot of things. I wonder a lot of "WHYS". I wonder who can feel my helpless, probably only myself. I gotta seek a way out. Where there is hope, there is way. I gotta sleep.