I'm a coward

I don't know what friends mean. I don't really know who to talk to when I am in trouble. I need some male friends. My life is surrounded with girls now. That makes me sick. I've got so many friends on facebook, but it seems that I can talk to none of them. After all, I'm just another lonely girl that can't deal with my lonely mind properly.

little but true happiness

All right. This picture was taken in summer vacation after coming back to Taiwan for a while. We went shopping around Shinyi Area which is also known as Taipei Manhattan. I ask myself lots of times. What is happiness? When we were little, happiness seemed really simple, but as we've grown up, things are becoming complicating and we can hardly be satisfied. My opa and oma, they are always frugal but always try to give their lids the best things. They are probably my favourite partners to go shopping with. They are never stingy to buy things for their kids. We often go to really good restaurants when we are out together. Sometimes, we also go to a cafe for tea time. This picture was taken at Agnes b. cafe. It wasn't that good, anyway.
My oma, she likes to cook a lot. Even she's usually complaining about how cooking bothers her, but we all know she likes it anyway from the bottom of her heart. Today when we were eating together. I found that there was a lot of carrots left on the vegetable plate. Yep, only few of us like carrots. Then she ate almost half of them but didn't eat other vegetables which wasn't so much left. In my opinion, I don't think she likes them. I think she just didn't want to waste the food. And she always cares about how the dishes taste, smell and look. She wanted people who came back home later wouldn't see the so many red carrots on the plate. Also, she hardly buys lunch. Instead, she heat up the leftovers all the time for her own lunch but always buys us fresh lunch boxes for us. It's no wonder that they have a lot of money. Sometimes, I really want to tell them. Just use your money at leisure. It's not your obligation to leave your money for us. Do it for your own good. I know they'll never never do that. As I grow up, I start to know how their consideration is. They are all doing everything for their kids. How great they are!
I'm writing this article since I've found them becoming old recently. Everyone is becoming old at every single moment. It's just a famous singer, Fei Fei Fung,died recently at the aga of 60. I'm so scared. I know I'll once lose them, but I just want them to live longer and longer to see my success to let my children see that they have such great and cool grandgrandparents. I'm really proud of them!

31.01.11

start typing an article owing that I don't feel good. Frankly speaking, I'm lonely, very lonely. I miss the days I can talk to many many people rather than having no one. We were all once so close at that time. Right now, we're just strangers. I tried to chat with you, but the replies you gave me was probably never more than 3 words.

So I ask myself. What happened? Why did everything come to this step? Why did everyone just leave me at once at my weakest moment? I know I won't know the answer right away. I'll roughly get the answer in a few years since I see a lot and learn a lot from life.

Why is it so difficult? I don't need my life to be full of romance but someone who truly loves me. It seems so impossible.

I'm feeling down now due to the coming days of going back to school which makes me sad. I don't feel it's time already, another 5 months busy until the next vacation. I really need more rest.

once upon

想說來打篇中文文章好了，反正其實也沒人會來看啦!這樣反而好，我就不會一直被問問問，人確實是個很矛盾的生物，一直被問時覺得好煩，不被問又覺得大家好像都不關心妳了，其實，是你自己不想別人關心你的吧

曾經，當我談論到一個個朋友離我而去，你只回了我有一天我也會成為那個把你從msn上刪掉的那個人，我信誓旦旦的告訴你「不會，你是我的好朋友，你一直聽我說，我們一定會一直是朋友的。」
現在的我，想起當時的自己，實在覺得自己很愚蠢，什麼永遠的朋友，一切都只是「空」。沒想到自己有一天也會被你害的這樣，我走過來了，也看「輕」了，其實像你這種人，處處都是，只是提早遇到而已，其實也沒什麼大不了的。
不懂那些流言蜚語是怎麼傳的?其實說真的也都不重要了，看著永遠掛在msn上的你，有時候真的很想你，想念和你講話的感覺，你贏了。

somehow I feel lost and homesick

don't know why. I feel sad, lost and homesick. I'm homesick of Germany. I miss Christmas. And somehow I miss my permission to do things I want. That's what I can do in Germany. I don't need so many permissions to do things. I almost decide everything I do want to do. I'm not afraid of asking to go out. On the contrary, I'm always so scared to ask things now. I want to cry so much right now. Why do I have to go to school tomorrow? I feel confused of a lot of things. I wonder a lot of "WHYS". I wonder who can feel my helpless, probably only myself. I gotta seek a way out. Where there is hope, there is way. I gotta sleep.

a surprising trip to Jiufen

After the welcome party, I got a call at 23:00, Serena who went to France last year asked me if I wanted to go with her, her friends and four of the inbounds to Jiufen where I already went to after coming back to Taiwan. I however agreed because I'd like to know the inbounds more. I woke up really early to go to school first to get the fee this semester. And then, I went directly to Taipei main station to meet the others. There were Olivia, Yoan, Hunter, Alex, Jenny, Serena and Alice, Serena's friend We went there by train and then by bus. It was kind of a long trip. Jenny Tsai was all the time nagging that she wanted to sleep, but I think she'd rather talk to me than sleep. Jiufen was anyway not an interesting place to go. They were walking and then complaining. Anyway, we went to the gold mine. And then, we just sat down in a circle in the square and started playing Uno. It was fine though everyone was watching us playing. I think they think it's fun to see the foreigners. What I mean is they are human beings they are not monkeys in the zoo. Then we got the bus to go to the old street. It was a tiny street filled with a lot of people. There they saw condom world. That was kind of embarrassing but funny. That shop has always been a highlight whenever I went there and whoever I was with. They tried stinky tofu. It was still weird for them. I didn't had any because I thought I didn't really like it. After that, we went back to Taipei.
Eveyone then decided to go to the night market. There we met Shawn, Rika from America, and Paluba, the first time I saw him but not the first time I heard about him. I told Paluba a lot of things about the silly ones. As usual, there was really crowded in the night market. We bought some little snacks to eat in the streets and then we all got tired, so we went to the park nearby started to play the murder and Uno. Everytime I was about to win, Hunter called me for not saying Uno. I got impatient in the end. Surprisingly, I don't really hate him. At around 21:00, we decided to go home. A lot of inbounds were picked up by their host families despite of some of us. Jenny, Rika, Shawn, Paluba and I walked Alex home then to the MRT station. As soon as we were leaving for Alex's house. It started to rain heavily. bad luck :( Anyway, I was home safely by bus.
a cool day with exchange students. I love the exchange students. They reminded my of the craziest year in my life. I miss everyone from last year, especially some of you.

the welcome party for all the inbounds in my club

So in the evening of 8/25, we had our welcome party for the inbounds in my club. I had been all the time nervous before it. I don't really know the reason probably because I could see my shadow in all the inbounds. I miss my exchange year too. Anyway, the event wasn't that good. We found the song if you're happy in several languages, and asked them to sing in their own languages, but it was anyway a bad idea. None of them was happy when they sang the song. The handouts with their lyrics were even very wrong. After that, the inbounds and their host parents held a bit introduction about themselves. They all seem speaking a bit Chinese. It was good. After that, we start eating. I was arguing with the American, Hunter a lot. I heard later that some people were complaining that I was too loud. Anyway, at last, we played another game. Each person got a heart and we wrote our names in the middle, walked around and introduced the others ourselves, got the others' cards. We could then sit down when we got our hearts back. On the second round, I got mad when Hunter didn't want to give me his heart. Well... but I wasn't really angry at all. I was just joking and lazy walking around. At very last, we took a group picture. We were there smiling for probably 5 minutes. Didn't anyone know what facebook or email were. I hate that when everytime, people want the same picture but in their own cameras. Before we were heading home, I gave Hunter a hug. He seemed to be angry at me because I wasn't willing to pick up his name card I asked him to give to me on the floor. Dad, however, seemed a bit confused with the hug. If hugs count something, I think I already have a lot of things when I was in Germany. It was anyway a good day. I was glad I was there to know the inbounds. They were really cool. They really reminded me of myself last year.